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March 2017

People working together for a better future

How do I connect with other Disabled people in Turkey?

By | Lifestyle, Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge | No Comments

Hello,

First of all forgive me for my poor English. My name is Gokhan and I’m 31 years old. I’m living in Turkey. As you can imagine the life for disabled people is not easy here. And of course the sexual activities we have no chance to do anything and We have no chance to meet any professional workers here.. But also I can’t meet with any girlfriend and no chance to dating valintine

I’ve got scoliosis and my body is curve. So Every time When I look at the mirror , I’m starting to ask my self.. Why ??  And start to cry.. My body is not sexy I’m very ugly :(( I know maybe you can’t do anything to me from there… But only I want to write my thoughts to you :((( I am feeling so lonely at my country. Any disabled person is free about dating and sexual activities. There is no chance to even talk about these topics in Turkey.. I even can’t touch and contact any disabled person for sharing ideas and feelinga about sexuality and dating…

There is very public force to hide these feelings and realities in my country.. I even haven’t got any chance to hold a girl’s hands.. I haven’t been loved by any girl.. I am a romantic and emotional.. Forgive me for my poor English… I am very sorry…

Thank you so much for your kind heart…  DEAR SIR GOD BLESS YOU 🙁 Please don’t leave me alone

Very kind regards

 

Dear Gokham,

Thank you for contacting the Love Lounge. Your letter touched my heart. I too have a Scoliosis, and know what it is like to look in the mirror and hate what you see. However I did learn that whatever you see when you look at your reflection, it’s not always what others see. I battled with confidence when I was young, and was sure I would never find a partner but I also thought that it is better to try and fail than never try. With this approach I soon found that while there are many people who are not interested in being with a disabled person, there are also many who are. I should say I am now married to a wonderful woman who is my soul mate.

My advice would be find something you love to do. I loved music and taught myself to play piano and sing. Whatever you love; art, sport, culture, engineering,design, or music like me, whatever fires your interest go and pursue it. Love every minute that you spend focusing on it. This will make you happier and give you a focus for your passion. Make sure you go out and pursue your pass time, mixing with people. You will then meet people who share your interest. This mutual shared interest will mean you make friends that you have loads in common with. I found that this opens people’s eyes to the real you, thus they get to know you. Which in turn can lead to them not seeing the person you see in the mirror. I met my wife when playing in a band together, so you can see I know this approach can work!

Now I have to consider the cultural issues you face. I know that disabled people in Turkey face terrible issues which I can’t begin to imagine. I found that campaigning for equality and better treatment for disabled people gave me a huge outlet, a real confidence boost and allowed me to meet some amazing people. This might be something that you could pursue, campaigning to make Turkish society better for disabled people. I searched online and found a group called Alternative Camp (http://www.alternativecamp.org/), who work with disabled people to help them build independent lives, and provide all manner of activities to try too. I know they are based in Istanbul, but if you can’t get there contact them to see if they can help you. They will also help you discover if there are other disabled people near you, so you can support each other.

I would work on the confidence and finding the joy in life, then try to find love. I know it will be tough, but you may find that while you are falling in love with life, love might find you. Please stay in touch and all of us here at the Love Lounge will give you support and help.

I wish you all the best, and I’m always here to help if I can.

Mik

A woman read the 50 Shades of Grey book whilst enjoying a latte in a cafe

How should I go about writing a steamy book with disabled characters?

By | Emily Yates, Lifestyle, The Love Lounge | No Comments

Dear Love Lounge,

I am a sex writer and really want to include disabled characters in my writing – but I feel unqualified to do this as I’m not disabled myself! Do you have any advice please?

 

Hi there, and thanks for writing in to us!

So often, we shy away from disability, be it with communication, dating, or even sex writing, because we don’t feel we know enough about it! My advice would be to research around the subject, chat to disabled people (if you know them) in order to make your writing informed and authentic, but ultimately, challenge your fear around the topic and write! Our knowledge and understanding of disability will never improve if we don’t face it head-on. Write a story that’s really sexy and just so happens to have a disabled person wrapped up in the plot.  Ask disabled people to read it and give you feedback…. and then you’re good to go! You’ve busted the sex and disability taboo AND helped to change perceptions along the way.  What more could we ask for in a steamy story?!

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