Bedroom antics with someone new are supposed to be exciting. Start watching any TV series on
Netflix, and the sex scenes will always be impulsive, passionate and steamy. It’s great when that
happens, but it happens much more rarely in the real world, especially when you’re disabled and
taking the next step with someone new! Many of us have to plan ahead when it comes to getting
intimate, as well as talking about our capabilities and limitations, likes and dislikes. All of this is more
than okay (and quite often makes us better lovers in the long run!) but if you’re still unsure of how
to navigate that ‘first time chat’, below are some tips that we hope will help you out.
Tip 1: Honesty is the best policy.
Wanting to get it on but feeling nervous about doing so? Just say. Are there certain positions that
are uncomfortable or impossible, or specific aids or equipment you need to use? Let your partner
know. Is there something they can do instead that would really turn you on? Tell them! Whatever
you’re feeling, don’t keep quiet and then let it get in the way of you having a good time. If you like
this person enough to be having sex with them, we’re pretty sure they’ll like you enough to learn
about your body and how they can best please you. Enjoying each other – after all – is what it’s all
Tip 2: Stay open.
If you do decide to talk about sex before getting down to it, there may be a few questions that your
new partner asks. Whilst it’s important to try and keep the conversation light and playful (let’s face
it, no-one wants to feel like they are being medically examined), it’s also vital that you stay as open
to questions as possible, and answer them sincerely, as long as the person asking them is doing so
with the best of intentions. There aren’t many people out there who know a lot about disability
(and even less have gone to bed with one of us), so being respectful of each other’s questions and
answers is a huge step to ensuring that all worries and stresses can disappear before you get
Tip 3: It’s not always about talking.
Our body language says so much about us, we often forget how important it really is! Some people
like to talk and reassure each other during sex, but an intense look, certain touch, laugh or moan can
also speak a thousand words and let your partner know how you’re feeling and if they are doing all
the right things or not. It goes without saying that you both have the right, at any point, to stop
what’s going on and not take it any further, but communicating openly with your body as well as
your voice can often do a lot of the communicating for you.
Good luck. Here’s to stress-free, satisfying sex for us all!