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This is our page for all things free and sexy. You’ll find all our accessible PDF guides, articles, free support and our very own online magazine here

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#UndressingDisability: Sex Ed for Teenagers

At Enhance The UK, we believe more conversations around sex & disability need to be started. We’re not shy, we’ll discuss just about anything!

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Frequently UNASKED Questions!

On the contrary, there’s many Frequently Unasked Questions about disability! People are often afraid to ask questions and worry about how to treat disabled people to avoid offending.

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Q&A’s

Your Sex Questions Answered

We receive a lot of curious questions from people with and without disabilities about sex. Here’s some of the most commonly asked questions.

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DON'T FORGET ABOUT
LIABILITY MAGAZINE!

Liability is an online monthly magazine published by us. It’s written by a group of women who all have disabilities and are not afraid to talk about them. They have a lot to say each month and topics covered range from sex and relationships to current affairs, politics and fashion. There really is something for everyone!

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Recent Blogs

There’s helpful information, questions and articles on our blog too…

Girlfriend: two hands clasped together.

I have cerebral palsy and use a wheelchair – how do I find a girlfriend?

By The Love Lounge

The question: How do I find a girlfriend?

Hi

I am 33 years old, I have cerebral palsy and I’m in a wheelchair. I have been trying dating sites for a while. Do you have any suggestions? 

I have been trying to find a girlfriend online but I’ve had no luck.

I have not really had sex but I would like to.

Thanks

Glenn

 

The answer:

Hi Glenn,

Dating sites are notoriously difficult for everyone – but even more so when you have a visible disability! People judge too quickly and swipe left!

I wonder if it would be worth you going to a speed dating event? Obviously I don’t know if your speech is affected by your CP which may pose a barrier when it comes to speed dating.. but that option could be good to actually get to meet people and charm them face to face!

You could look at Eventbrite – things to do in the UK and search within your area?

If you want to explore another avenue to have a sexual encounter but with no relationship involved there is the option of using a sex worker.  This isn’t for everyone and should be carefully considered before doing it as some people feel bad afterwards. Yes, they may feel happy that they’ve lost their virginity but they can feel a bit empty afterwards.  You would need to think about it before pursuing it.  You could go on the TLC Trust site where they have sex workers who are comfortable working with disabled people.

Hope this helps, and I’m sorry we can’t be more specific about dating sites.  We have been doing a campaign on Disabled dating apps so check us out on Instagram Instagram Undressing Disability

If you ever want to have a more detailed chat with us, then feel free to book in one of our Love Lounge sessions on Zoom. https://calendly.com/enhancetheuk/60min?month=

Best wishes for some success,

Zoe

Want to read more Love Lounge queries? visit our Love Lounge page to see all of our questions and their answers. 

Let’s talk about it: Consent, love and sex act terminology

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

When it comes to consent, there is so much more to consider than yes or a no. It is about ongoing communication, discussing boundaries and what you are comfortable with.

One area that we often don’t think about is the effect that terminology and language can have. In the age of social media, language and terminology can often mean new words or phrases are coined then discarded a month later. It can feel confusing and overwhelming to try and keep up.

However, if you do not understand what a sex act term means, can you really consent? The answer is no and it means that we can often find ourselves in uncomfortable or dangerous situations as a result.

Here are six things to remember around consent

1 – Communication and respect

Consent is an ongoing process throughout sex between two people. It can be withdrawn at any stage and must be respected by the other person. Even if someone has consented at the start of whatever it is you happen to be into, you need to check in with them to make sure they are still okay during and afterwards. This is especially the case if you are changing activities, positions or introducing something new in the bedroom.

If someone looks uncomfortable, stop and ask if they are okay. Respect their decision to stop and reassure them that everything is fine. Making sure that someone feels safe and comfortable is key.

2- Confidence to ask

If you don’t understand a sex term – ask. There are hundreds of words out there for different sex acts from felching to cucking to shrimping. It can feel embarrassing to admit you aren’t sure or don’t know what something means but ultimately, you can’t consent to something you don’t understand fully.

A good partner will stop and explain what a sex term actually means or how they practice it. Don’t rely on a sneaky google to find out what something is because it could mean that your partner has a different understanding of it. Some acts especially those around pain or restriction require a good level of trust, respect and discussion around boundaries with partner/s ahead of time.

Want to learn more? We’ve filmed a series of videos with our resident S-expert Zoe Lloyd that can help explain different sex terms. Follow us on instagram by visiting our page to find out more.

3 – Disclosing health status

It’s important for someone to understand what they are consenting to. As well as understanding what different sex acts are and everything they entail, your partners do need to know your STD/I status too. This gives someone the opportunity to make an informed decision about birth control and their safety.

Regular testing for everyone involved is recommended and can be a quick proceedure at sexual health clinics or your GP surgery.

4 – Non verbal clues

There are lots of non-verbal ways that someone can send a signal that they are uncomfortable or want to stop. This could be anything from shaking their head, giving a thumbs down sign or holding their hands up in a stop gesture, pushing someone away, avoiding touch, moving away from you or maintaining closed body language. They may look upset, stay still or lie flat, tense up or go rigid as well as seemingly distracted or not present.

If you sense someone is uncomfortable or would like to stop then respect this and make sure you stop.

5- Drink and drugs

Someone cannot consent if they are too drunk or on drugs. That’s not to say you cannot drink and consent but if you are intoxicated then its a no. Consent can also not be given if someone is asleep or unconscious. If someone has been threatened or intimidated into having sex or performing a sex act then that is also not consent.

Unequal power dynamics are not consent either. This is when there is a uneven balance of power such as a student and a teacher. This also goes for someone underage too.

6- The importance of talking

Learning to talk about sex can help to improve the quality of sex that we have. As well as giving clear consent, discussing what sex acts you like or positions you fancy trying, it can also help us to communicate what we enjoy. The more you start to talk, the more talking about sex becomes normalised and easier to do.

Being open and honest with your partners means you can concentrate on having the type of sex you enjoy and you may find it can also be a turn on. It can also help your partner to learn what feels good and importantly, what didn’t so it can be avoided in the future.

Want to learn more about sex act terminology? why not visit our resource page to download our free guide to all the terms you may need to know. 

Want to read more about sex, consent and learning disabilities? Visit our Love Lounge page to learn more.

For help around sexual health and assault, visit the NHS support services page

Stress awareness month: A neon saying saying Breathe in among green leaves

Stress Awareness Month: How to help reduce stress levels and relax

By Undressing Disability

It’s Stress Awareness Month which aims to highlight the effect that stress can have on our well being, mental and emotional health. Not to mention, it can cause problems with our relationships as the last thing you may feel like doing is being intimate or affectionate.

There are lots of small changes you can make to help improve your mindset. There are some small changes you can introduce to your day to boost your levels of serotonin – known as the happy hormone -to get you feeling a bit better.

1 – Screen breaks for better wellbeing and less stress

Our workplaces are online now more than ever, and this can have a huge effect on our moods and our eyes. Not only that but after we finish work, we flick through Instagram or fall asleep reading Reddit. This can often mean our mental health and relationships suffer from screen time.

Being online constantly can increase your stress levels making you feel more burned out. By slowing down to take time for yourself, you can also improve your sleep, increase focus, and reduce eye strain or headaches. There are plenty of things you can do to unwind instead of insta. Why not try introducing bath bombs and a nice hot soak, reading a relaxing book while curled up, massage with oils or CBD lotions….without or without your partner!

2 – Practise mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and the world around you. It may also alleviate stress and anxiety by helping you to appreciate life more.

If your mind wanders to future worries or past events, then gently bring your thoughts back to the present. It could be that you take two minutes of your day to pay attention to what surrounds you physically such as the room you are in. It can help you to feel more grounded. Listen to your breathing or try a slow exercise such as tai chi or even meditation.

3- Break the routine

It’s so easy to fall into a routine and it can be quite comforting too. Introducing short exercise breaks or spending time outside can help to get endorphins flowing and give you something to focus on other than what is stressing you out. It may even help you to clear your mind and sleep better.

It doesn’t have to be anything high-impact or stressful but a short walk through a park or down the street can have an effect. If you are unable to exercise, even just introducing a few minutes per day to do something out of your routine which is self-care orientated can help.

4 – Pack a good mood food lunch or office snack

The new year is always associated with healthy eating or going vegan, even giving up alcohol. Although it can be hard to continue to go cold turkey on carbs as the months go on. Making smaller changes can be easier to maintain over the year like adding seeds to porridge or swapping milk chocolate for dark chocolate.

Several foods make great snacks that can boost serotonin which is often referred to as the happy hormone. Bananas, berries, quinoa, salmon or dark chocolate all affect our wellbeing. These could be added to meals or snack times throughout the day.

Interested in how stress can affect your libido? Visit our blog to read more about its effects.

5 – Take up a creative activity

Creative activities can be a really good way of unwinding after work. If youve not tried art since A-Levels then there are plenty of other things you can choose from such as knitting, singing, writing songs or poems. Why not join a group locally or set one up?

6 – Add supplements for stress relief

There are so many supplements out there that it can feel overwhelming to start. Some are perfect for alleviating stress or helping you to relax in the evenings. Cannabidiol (CBD) has become popular for helping people to unwind. It is thought to work by interacting with receptors in the body potentially sending signals to the neurotransmitter, serotonin. It’s easy to take as it can be used as oil drops under the tongue or edibles or even as creams rubbed into the skin.

Ashwagandha is a plant and an adaptogen. It is thought that Ashwangha may reduce cortisol levels. Cortisol is the stress hormone produced by our adrenal glands. Reishi and Lion’s Mane mushrooms are also said to have calming effects – both can be taken as a capsule.

 Recognising when you need help

Its important to recognise when sadness might be a sign of something deeper. If you are struggling with hopelessness, sadness, low mood or lack of sleep then it might be a sign that you have depression.

Reaching out to your GP or healthcare professional is critical as it can help you to improve your well-being.

There are lots of different helplines and websites that you can access:

Love Lounge

Our Love Lounge can help. If you are feeling lonely and need a chat or need a face-to-face, one-to-one session, then get in touch. It’s a completely free service offered by our resident sex and relationship experts who can offer confidential advice and discussion.

Get in touch by emailing Lovelounge@enhancetheuk.org 

Learn more about the Love Lounge by visiting our website

Wellbeing helplines:

Samaritans:  you can contact Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year by free calling 116 123. You can also email jo@samaritans.org. You can also visit their website.

SANEline:  SANEline on 0300 304 7000 (4.30 pm–10.30 pm every day)

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK: Offers a supportive listening service to anyone with thoughts of suicide. You can call the National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK on 0800 689 5652 (6 pm to midnight every day)

Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM):  0800 58 58 58 (5 pm–midnight every day) CALM also run a web chat service on their website.

Shout: Text SHOUT to 85258. Shout offers a confidential 24/7 text service providing support for crisis and immediate help.

The Mix: (Under 25) The Mix on 0808 808 4994 (3 pm-midnight every day), request support by email using this form on The Mix website.

The Love Lounge

 

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SEXPERTS ANYTHING...

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