I’m writing for some advice. I’m really struggling to feel sexy in my wheelchair after my accident, and feel like everything ‘girly’ and feminine about me is fading away. I don’t want to become that girl that always needs to have the lights off….!
Please can you help me?
Thanks so much for writing into us at the Love Lounge. Coming to terms with a new impairment, and therefore a brand new body, that moves and functions in different ways, can be really tough! Especially tough, in fact, if you can’t do all those things you used to do – and that definitely translates to being active in the bedroom, too.
Let’s face it, mainstream society rarely sees disability as sexy and attractive, so it’s hard for those of us with impairments to see ourselves as such! There’s a dependability that often comes with disability, and this can feel cold and clinical rather than flirty and fun!
However, it’s important to make sure that spark is still there, not just sexually for you and your partner, but for your own self-esteem. Look at yourself in the mirror and focus on the things you like about yourself. Is it your hair, your smile, your chest or the way your back curves? Then flaunt them! Equally, the stuff you don’t like, you can hide. My feet turn horribly when I’m sat in my chair, but you’ll never see me in sandals or flip flops. In fact, long flared trousers or gorgeous long skirts almost hide them completely, so they are perfect for a day when I’m not feeling so confident. Having my hair freshly coloured and wearing a bright pop of lipstick always makes me feel good, though, so I make sure to do that whenever I can!
Ultimately, this is your body for the foreseeable future – if you don’t love it, no one else will! As for sex and intimacy, talk to your partner and discuss what works and what doesn’t, tell them how you feel and say that you want to feel confident and sexy again, but you’re going to need some extra TLC and support in order to do that. And hey, if you get really confident, wheelchairs, shower chairs and handrails all make great sexual aids…. I’ll leave that bit to your imagination!
Wishing you the best of luck,