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June 2018

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Love Lounge – Sex Party Advice

By | Emily Yates, The Love Lounge | No Comments

Hi Love Lounge!

My boyfriend and I are getting on really well, and thinking of taking the next steps in our relationship by going to a sex party together.  I’m a wheelchair user and super excited by this, but I’m worried that people will laugh at me, or that I’ll find it difficult to do things and get involved when I’m there.  Do you have any advice for me please?  Thanks!

 


 

Hello! And thank you so much for writing in to us! Firstly, I’m excited for you! This sounds great! I’m a wheelchair user too, and I’ve been to a sex party before, so I totally get your concerns.  As with most things, I think this is about communication between you and your partner.  Sex parties sound amazing, and they really can be! But they can also be unexpected, a little weird, and they do require a bit of thought beforehand.  You both sound like you really want to do this, and that’s fantastic.  But have you discussed what you both want to get out of this, what you’re expecting to get up to, and any boundaries either of you have? If you’re planning to stay together the whole time, and get involved with things that you can both take part in, then only things that are possible for you and your impairment should be on the table (in my opinion!)  If you’re planning to explore the party independently, then things could get a little more tricky.  I guess I’d separate it into three main steps:

  1. Accessible venue – sounds obvious, but make sure the venue is accessible and has accessible bathrooms before you go.  That should calm some of your understandable apprehension.
  2. Explore first – I’m guessing that this will be your first sex party, so make sure to get your bearings first! Have a look at all the different areas and activities that are on offer, and make a mental note of things that you’ll be able to, and most importantly want to, do! There’s no pressure to try everything, or even anything, on the first night, just use the experience to gain confidence in yourself sexually.
  3. Feel comfortable enough to redefine sexy – because sexy isn’t always about crazy positions, being able to straddle, and jumping onto every bit of equipment possible! What’s wrong with staying in your chair and being intimate with someone, or using toys in a way that works for you? I promise you that if you feel comfortable enough to do what works for you, that is flipping sexy and you won’t get laughed at.  And if you do? At least you know that person is far from someone you want to get your rocks of with!

Have fun, and own it!
Em x

a woman wearing a brown watch

Love Lounge – Dating After A Break Up

By | Emily Yates, The Love Lounge | No Comments

Mik and Emily,

I’ve just gone through a bad break-up, and can’t find the confidence to start dating again because I think no-one will want to date a disabled person.  Any pearls of wisdom?

A

 


 

Hi A, and so sorry to hear that you’re going through a tough time at the moment, it’s not a fun place to be and I can totally empathise with you.  If the break-up was only very recent, maybe you need to consider giving yourself a bit more time before trying to find love again.  We go through heartbreak and often believe that we need to rush to find something or someone new because that’s the only thing that will make us feel any better.  That’s just not true, and perhaps it’s time for you to find out about who you really are, what you’re into and what qualities you have that could be really attractive to a partner because, trust me, you’ve got a lot more to offer than your impairment.  Once you do start to date again, remember all the things you love about yourself that are a real offering to someone new.  Mik and I have brilliant partners, and lots of our disabled friends do too, so there are plenty of people out there more than willing to date disabled people.  What’s important is how you present that impairment.  If you find comfort and a small sense of pride in it, someone else is much more likely too, as well.  Good luck, remember to be proud of who you are, and don’t be afraid to show that to potential love interests!

Em x

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