Free advice on all things sex, love and disability
Feeling alone and need to talk to someone? Looking for down to earth advice or need some practical tips on sex, relationships and flirting? Please talk to our resident love non expert experts! Everybody wants to feel that they ‘belong’ and finding a sense of belonging with another person is very important to so many of us. Yet finding a ‘soul mate,’ for many people, is not so simple especially when you have a disability.
Sex and Disability
Even if you’re in an established relationship, all sorts of tensions and difficulties can crop up. It’s especially hard if one of you becomes chronically sick, disabled or has an impairment which changes. It can then become not only something you both need to get your head round, but could mean your partner now has to assist you in different ways and offer you ‘care’ in a way they haven’t done before.
The dynamic of your relationship could change. Sex might become physically or emotionally difficult. Or you may end up feeling like you’re living with your best friend and that sex is off the menu all together. Maybe you’re single and want to date, have fun, find the person of your dreams? Or you want to play the field but are scared of ending up feeling like a novelty shag. Where do you look for a partner? How do you approach intimacy? When do you mention an impairment or disability?
Living in a care home and maintaining or even establishing a relationship is no easy feat. Lack of information, attitudes, privacy and access are massive barriers. After all, how many double beds have you ever seen in a care home?
GET TO KNOW YOUR LOVE GURUS!
Mik is a big personality in the media world, representing disability in his own unique way. He has presented shows on BBC2, Channel 4, ITV, Total Rock Radio and BBC 3 Counties Radio.
Emily is an accessible travel writer and accessibility consultant, she has cerebral palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has had relationships with both able-bodied and disabled partners.
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We’ve put together a selection of your messages and questions from our sexperts.
Do you agree with what they said? Send a reply with your thoughts!
I’ve had cancer twice, which resulted recently in a complete prostate removal.
I still think about sex a lot but cannot get an erection, I’m told
this will resolve once the nerves repair. It is really frustrating as my wife does not want sexual intimacy any more. But I would still like some warmth in my life.
I’m more interested in feeling sexy by my own standards and of course, I would like my partner to find me desirable as well. I’ve gone through a long journey with my body before landing here. I’ve always had a pretty strong connection with my sexuality.
I don’t really think of my body in terms
We all need a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on every now and again. The same can absolutely be said if you are disabled and, perhaps, you might require a little more support than you see other people in your life asking for. It’s not unusual for this to get frustrating, and to encourage you to distance
Positioning, pain and having those oh-so-intimate conversations in the bedroom – topics that we regularly get asked questions on at the Love Lounge. Seductive Hollywood movies and porn films are full of sleek, perfectly angled bodies having sleek, perfectly angled sex. But what happens when what really goes on between the sheets isn’t quite as in sync as we’d planned?
Regarding your question about losing sensation in your genitals, I should first ask have you been to see a GP or specialist? I’ve had a couple of times when sensation went strange and it transpired my spine wasn’t doing well so I needed surgery to make it stable. Well worth getting it checked as I know I found after the most recent operation
It’s fair to say that there’s an element of care in all relationships (or there should be!) But, for many disabled people, the amount of care received from friends, parents and lovers is often a little more than would be expected in a relationship between non-disabled people. So, what to do if you are concerned that your new