Ted joins the Love Lounge team.
Ted recently joined our Love Lounge team and will be answering your questions in his own unique way. With his fair share of relationship ups and downs he’s got plenty of experience of dating as a disabled person. Ted promises to be straight talking and considerate in helping to solve your dating, relationship, and disability and intimacy dilemmas. The following article is about disability and intimacy.
A Musical Tale
I thought I’d start with an analogy for disability and intimacy that I’m pretty sure only I could come up with. You see I’m a rather obsessive fan of the musician Neil Young, to the point my girlfriend refers to him as my boyfriend. The few willing to indulge me in my musical obsession know there’s one ‘act’ I prefer: Neil Young & Crazy Horse. Yes, that’s right, they are to be referred to as one band. Neil and the three others will refer to themselves as ‘in the band Neil Young & Crazy Horse’. Two have become one – to quote a song I obviously have no time for.
So I bet you guess I think they’re all wonderful musicians? Well, erm no. Neil just plays guitar in his very unique yet messy style, and the three others are very primitive to say the least. The bass-player seldom manages more than the route note of the chord whilst the drummer has a somewhat restricted range of tempos. And the rhythm guitarist appears to leave the main rhythm to Neil and then copy him when he’s off on a solo. That’s why Bob Dylan once asked Neil why he plays with those “f***in’ idiots”. Having said all that, when Neil gets with these guys it is pure magic. Something just clicks. I always love his guitar playing but it reaches a special grade of awesomeness when he’s with these guys.
And frankly, that is what disability and intimacy is all about. Yeah technique and skill are great things, but when there’s a click and tonnes of chemistry these things seem superfluous. As a disabled person seeking to be intimate, or indeed a non-disabled person seeking to be intimate with a disabled person, you may occasionally ponder how the restricted movement won’t restrict the quality of the sex. However, as I remember every time I listen to my favourite group, if the chemistry is perfect between the two, the end-product will be too!
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