On the Love Lounge, we regularly get asked questions regarding pain and positioning in the bedroom, and it’s not unusual for disabled people to write in and ask us how they can get in touch with their kinkier sides, whilst staying safe and keeping their pain levels in check. So, if you’ve always wondered how you can explore the less ‘vanilla’ side of sex as a disabled person, keep reading!
Tip 1: Let’s talk Limits
First things first, what are you into, or turned on by, and what does absolutely the opposite? Like most things (including disability!) kink encompasses so many things, so before you start discussing it, know what you’re keen on, what you’re willing to try, and what’s a hard ‘no’. It might be worth thinking about how you want the experience to make you feel, too. Many disabled people spend their time planning hospital visits, interviews and how to get from A to B, so might want kinky sex to provide an avenue of escape from being in control. For others, it’s about the importance of gaining ownership over their bodies, or exploring sex that doesn’t necessarily have to include penetration to be really, really hot. Once you know whether you want to take control or let go, and what particular things you’re into, then you can start venturing into this big, wide world of kink.
Tip 2: Types of Pain
For those of you among us who manage pain on a regular basis, the thought of being tied up with rope, or spanked with a paddle may not sound like escapism at all! Well, you’d be surprised. Many disabled people who manage pain and/or fatigue have mentioned that certain elements of BDSM allow them to have a focus that actually alleviates their everyday issues. From relieving pressure on joints to feeling nice on other areas of the body that don’t usually have their attention, pain really can turn into pleasure for some disabled people. Our advice? Go slow with someone you trust, and always feel comfortable enough to stop the situation if it is no longer serving you at all.
Tip 3: It’s all about Trust
Usually, we absolutely don’t buy into this ‘only have sex with someone you love and/or trust’ myth, but trust and respect is especially important if you’re wanting to try out less ‘vanilla’ sex. If you’re going to be pushing your physical, emotional and mental boundaries with anything from pain and positioning to mind games and escapism, please make sure you do so with someone who you know will respect your limits, stop when asked and who will keep your fantasies and desires close to their heart, wanting to please you rather than let everyone else know what you’re into. There is no harm in exploring to find out what you like and what you don’t, and doing that with someone you know you can have a giggle with along the way can be a really beautiful experience.
Good luck on your kinky journey – enjoy!