I’m a queer able-bodied woman and I’ve recently started seeing a woman with cerebral palsy (spastic diplegia). We haven’t had sex yet and I’m writing to ask for some advice.
I know that everybody knows their own body the best and knows their own sexual desires the best, and that just by using my normal communication skills during sex I’ll be able to learn what is comfortable and pleasurable for her. However, especially because she’s relatively inexperienced, I would appreciate any practical tips for positions or anything else. Or for knowing if there’s certain things I should ask which I might not think of. Again I know this is a conversation I should have with her and I fully intend to, but especially since she is inexperienced I’d like to have some ideas going in.
THANKS! Also thanks for your website in general and for the work you do.
Lovely to hear from you and thank you so much for writing in to us!
I also have exactly the type of CP you’re talking about, so fingers crossed I can help a little.
First things first – if your partner is inexperienced (as I was up until a few years ago) she is going to want reassurance that this is more than okay, and that you’ll be patient and take things at her pace etc. I’m sure you already know this, but worth reiterating! 🙂
In terms of positioning, I can only speak from my experience as a straight woman with CP, but I struggle to straddle at all, so any ‘on top’ positions are out of the question for me due to my hip and groin muscles being too tight – so probably a good thing for you to be aware of.
If you have a nice big bath, that could be a really good way to start foreplay and help to relax her leg muscles. She may get spasms in her legs – don’t let this worry you too much (it can be part of the condition) but of course check that she is okay/doesn’t want you to stop etc.
As you very rightly alluded to in your email, communication is everything!!! Further down the line, when you know each other’s bodies better, you might want to look at liberator furniture (or making your own foam sex furniture – much cheaper!!!!) As these can be great for aiding different, more exciting positions without putting any extra pressure on the body.
Hope this helps and good luck!
If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to contact us again!