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This is our page for all things free and sexy. You’ll find all our accessible PDF guides, articles, free support and our very own online magazine here

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#UndressingDisability: Sex Ed for Teenagers

At Enhance The UK, we believe more conversations around sex & disability need to be started. We’re not shy, we’ll discuss just about anything!

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Frequently UNASKED Questions!

On the contrary, there’s many Frequently Unasked Questions about disability! People are often afraid to ask questions and worry about how to treat disabled people to avoid offending.

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Q&A’s

Your Sex Questions Answered

We receive a lot of curious questions from people with and without disabilities about sex. Here’s some of the most commonly asked questions.

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DON'T FORGET ABOUT
LIABILITY MAGAZINE!

Liability is an online monthly magazine published by us. It’s written by a group of women who all have disabilities and are not afraid to talk about them. They have a lot to say each month and topics covered range from sex and relationships to current affairs, politics and fashion. There really is something for everyone!

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Recent Blogs

There’s helpful information, questions and articles on our blog too…

Untraditional proposals – Love Lounge Tips

By | Disability, Emily Yates, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Last week, I did something I never expected to do: I proposed to my boyfriend, and HE SAID YES! Women doing the proposing is still rare, and whilst it’s applauded by many, it still seems to sit uncomfortably with others.  Why did I do it? I’m a real planner, and get so much joy out of creating things for other people that I know they’ll love. I felt ready to take our relationship to the next stage and, instead of nudging and hinting for him to take action (which I don’t think is very fair), I started to think of all the things I could do for him, and everything seemed to fit into place!

  • An idea.

I first started to get really excited about proposing to my boyfriend, now fiancée, when I discussed a few potential proposal ideas with close friends that I knew he would firstly, love and secondly, never expect.  The initial plan was to hire out a lodge in Scotland, where we live, and create a personalised ‘escape room’ for him based on our relationship.  A few weeks down the line, and the logistics of that started to get on top of me (where was I going to post everything to so he wouldn’t see? How was I going to set it all up beforehand without him even knowing?) so, on the advice of a good friend, I changed my plans, kept the lodge, but set out on learning basic code from YouTube tutorials to make my gamer boyfriend a video game from scratch that he could star in, alongside me and our two cats, Buzz and Woody.  It took about 6 weeks, but the wacky idea soon became a reality.

  • Dealing with nay-sayers.

When you do something a bit unconventional, like this, you are bound to get a few people (sadly!) who don’t like the idea and/or think you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. Some people asked me if I’d just been waiting too long for him to propose and wanted to take matters into my own hands – not at all, we’ve been together for just over 2 years, not 10! Others were worried that I might be stealing my partner’s thunder by proposing to him – why? Because society says it should be him to do it?! Thankfully, my boyfriend was bowled over, loved the proposal and didn’t at all feel like I’d taken one of his ‘manly’ activities away from him..! If you want to propose to your partner and think it would be the right thing to do for the two of you, do it! Who cares what anyone else thinks?

  • Allowing a little bit of magic.

The most difficult decision throughout the whole proposal process was whether or not to ask for his parents’ blessing beforehand.  Even though my proposal was going to be untraditional, I still wanted to be respectful and talk to his family.  But in the end, I didn’t tell them about the proposal at all; if I had done, my now fiancée would not have had the magic of being able to share the excitement and surprise with them himself, something that he really enjoyed and appreciated I’d left for him.

This week’s blog is a little different, and one that’s very personal to me.  My partner does so much for me, from valeting my car to cleaning all the bits around the house I can’t reach from my wheelchair, and it was a total dream to be able to do something for him in return, that I hope he will remember for years to come.  

Thinking of a ‘road less travelled’ idea? Go for it, and good luck! X 

Losing sensitivity

By | Disability, Mik Scarlet, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Hey,

I’m a 40-something gentleman with Spina Bifida I’ve noticed over the last couple of years I’m slowly losing sensitivity in my penis, is there anything I can do about it? Any advice would be helpful.

M

Kind regards

Hi M


Regarding your question about losing sensation in your genitals, I should first ask have you been to see a GP or specialist? I’ve had a couple of times when sensation went strange and it transpired my spine wasn’t doing well so I needed surgery to make it stable. Well worth getting it checked as I know I found after the most recent operation I regained all the lost feeling plus some sensation I hadn’t had since my SCI in 1981.


If you have made sure it’s not a medical issue, don’t worry. Our society obsesses about willys. I’m not sure if you have erectile function but whichever the answer  you can use a technique developed to help people with SCI to develop orgasmic zones all over your body.


Basically you have to learn how to masturbate without touching yourself. Lie on your bed and think very dirty thoughts. Let your imagination run riot. As you feel more and more aroused keep going. With a few tries you’ll find you start to be able to orgasm without being touched. Lots of fun if you ever bored at the cinema eh?


Now you can do this, just as you’re about to orgasm touch yourself or get someone to touch you on a part of your body you already like being touched. Nipples for example. Doing this a few times makes you start to be able to orgasm in a different place to your genitals. It’s a different orgasm as it’s very head first rather than groin first. Trust me it works.


There are videos of me explaining the technique further online. 
While learning how to do this relocation of orgasmic zones is cool I’d definitely make sure everything is cool with your nerves first. Better safe than sorry eh?


I’ve seen guys and girls with zero sensation in their sex organs discover this technique and rediscover sex and their sexuality. If function goes too there’s still so much you can do. I did a video for the Love Lounge about this recently. You’ve still got your tongue, fingers and there’s a whole world of toys to play with. 


Hope this helps mate? I know how it can hurt your confidence. I remember waking up aged 15 to discover my SCI had changed my sexual function for life. Luckily I found it gave me a whole load of new options that everyone I’ve been with seemed to enjoy! 

Keep in touch and stay sexy, 


Mik

Love Lounge Top Tips – Trademarks and Confidence

By | Disability, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

When it comes to dating and relationships, confidence can be hard to find (not least for us disabled people). Regardless of how confident you are, or how comfortable with your impairment you may be, it can be extremely difficult not to blame a rejection on the fact that you’re disabled.  So, with this in mind, here are our tips for creating a confident trademark out of your features (including your impairment), and owning it!

A talking point.

Whilst no-one wants a thousand questions about their impairment or a particular aid the first time that they meet someone, this ‘see the person, not the disability’ rhetoric doesn’t really fly with us, either.  Come on, of course many impairments are visible, and that’s more than okay! We don’t have to pretend they don’t exist, they just don’t have to be an all-encompassing identifying factor, either.  If you’re confident about, or even proud of, your impairment, don’t be afraid to show how you feel it a way that fits with your style.  It can be a great feeling when someone comes up to you and says ‘Wow, I love what you’ve done with your wheelchair, that’s the coolest one I’ve ever seen!’ instead of crossing the street to avoid any interaction.

What about all those other gorgeous features?

We might sound like the Queer Eye team here (and trust us, we are MORE than okay with that!) but remember to focus on all of your other identifying factors that you love and not just the aids you use in everyday life.  Got a great smile? Wear some popping lipstick to show it off.  Love a certain style, pattern or colour when it comes to clothes? Wear them, and make that your trademark.  Perhaps piercings and tattoos are your thing, or suits and paisley shirts.  Whatever it is, make it ‘you’, and then people will have so much more to talk to you about than the elephant in the room (and it makes dating ice breakers a little easier, too!)

Inside always shows on the Outside

Ultimately, none of these tips are any good if you still feel shy, insular and unable to take action on the inside.  Wearing a colourful outfit means nothing if you don’t radiate positivity and an open, welcoming attitude.  This may sound a little strict (but we hope you know where we are coming from): If you want to be seen as more than a disabled guy or girl, you have to show those other facets to yourself in a loud and proud manner because, sadly, society is still waaaay behind in its perceptions of disability.  Let everything that you are shine through, and be proud of it, every single bit of it, ESPECIALLY the bits that are unique to you.

Sending love x 

The Love Lounge

 

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