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This is our page for all things free and sexy. You’ll find all our accessible PDF guides, articles, free support and our very own online magazine here

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#UndressingDisability: Sex Ed for Teenagers

At Enhance The UK, we believe more conversations around sex & disability need to be started. We’re not shy, we’ll discuss just about anything!

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Frequently UNASKED Questions!

On the contrary, there’s many Frequently Unasked Questions about disability! People are often afraid to ask questions and worry about how to treat disabled people to avoid offending.

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Q&A’s

Your Sex Questions Answered

We receive a lot of curious questions from people with and without disabilities about sex. Here’s some of the most commonly asked questions.

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DON'T FORGET ABOUT
LIABILITY MAGAZINE!

Liability is an online monthly magazine published by us. It’s written by a group of women who all have disabilities and are not afraid to talk about them. They have a lot to say each month and topics covered range from sex and relationships to current affairs, politics and fashion. There really is something for everyone!

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Recent Blogs

There’s helpful information, questions and articles on our blog too…

Love Lounge Top Tips – Pushing away, and leaning on each other

By | The Love Lounge

Let’s face it: whoever we are and whatever our background, preferences or additional requirements are, we all need a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on every now and again.  The same can absolutely be said if you are disabled and, perhaps, you might require a little more support than you see other people in your life asking for.  It’s not unusual for this to get frustrating, and to encourage you to distance yourself from your loved ones, for fear of being ‘too much’ or even a burden. 

Today’s top tips revolve around this issue of pushing others away before they have a chance to do the same to you, and how leaning on one another can be a beautiful thing that leads to a strong, sustainable partnership.

What do you have to give?

12 years ago, when I was 16, I went on a month-long expedition to southern Africa with other disabled or disadvantaged young people.  As a wheelchair user, I had to depend on other, more physically able, members of the group to hurl me up sand dunes and help me onto buses for 6 hour drives.  There was one particular guy who went out of his way to support me at every moment, using his strength to make sure I got as much out of the trip as I possibly could.  One day, we sat together on the bus for yet another long journey, and he told me all about his childhood, describing things he’d seen that I could only imagine in my nightmares.  I listened and we talked, finding that conversation alone was providing at least some solution to his difficult past.  We continued to work in this partnership, with him physically assisting, and me emotionally supporting him.

Whatever you have to give, remember you are not only your impairment.  So, if your partner has to help you bathe, undress, or even position you in bed before you get intimate, remember that they are not the only ones providing in this partnership, and giving and sharing talents and support can be done in many differing ways.

Vulnerability is strength

In this day and age, when love is so fleeting and a new hook up is only a swipe away, it can be very difficult to let our guards down and let our vulnerabilities shine through.  We don’t want to be seen as weaker, or less attractive, and this can particularly be a difficult thing to navigate if you’re disabled. But, vulnerability is beautiful and, in its purest sense, shows real strength of character.  Whilst it might seem so much easier to close yourself off and stop doing the things you love rather than asking for help to do them, remember that the right person will take such joy in contributing to your happiness and love of life (and you might just encourage them to admit to their own vulnerabilities, too! Regardless of how many dating apps there are in the world, aren’t we all really looking for someone who we can trust to love our most authentic, stripped back selves?)

Become a Leaning Team

Once the vulnerability hurdle has been crossed, your relationship will only go from strength to strength.  Perhaps your partner will have to lift your mobility aid into the car every single time you go anywhere together, but perhaps, with your support and encouragement, they will also feel the most capable they have ever felt. Become a team that isn’t afraid to lean, and you’ll be the strongest team there ever was.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed this article please share it with your friends. Search hashtag #LoveLounge for more advice and information. Or follow us on twitter @ETUKUndressing and Instagram @UndressingDisability

Love Lounge Top Tips – Sex that’s out of sync

By | Disability, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Positioning, pain and having those oh-so-intimate conversations in the bedroom – topics that we regularly get asked questions on at the Love Lounge.  Seductive Hollywood movies and porn films are full of sleek, perfectly angled bodies having sleek, perfectly angled sex. But what happens when what really goes on between the sheets isn’t quite as in sync as we’d planned?

Perhaps you’re struggling to get into those more daring, exotic (and frankly, uncomfortable) positions, or regularly experiencing pain during sex that puts a sharp stop to your partner’s orgasm.  Whatever it may be, out-of-sync sex can be frustrating, difficult to discuss, and often make people feel as if their whole relationship is not quite hitting the mark, either. So, what can be done about it?

  1. Play to your strengths.

Going on top might prove an uncomfortable nightmare for you, but you surely have other skills that will blow your partner away! By doing what we think our other half wants and taking little enjoyment in it ourselves, e often fail to show the best of ourselves and our talents, both in and out of the bedroom.  Most people would be mortified if they knew their partners were putting on a show but having a pretty rubbish time underneath it all. After all, sex is still out of sync if you have to pretend you’re enjoying it.  Play to your strengths (and not just what you’re good at, but what you personally enjoy) and keep the out-of-sync sex at bay!

  • Wear your heart on your sleeve.

If something isn’t working when it comes to sex, have the confidence to bring it up and discuss it. Let’s say that it’s pain that’s stopping you both from climaxing, leading to a very frustrating ending of the session – that frustration will only get worse if you don’t dare to venture into the realms of the awkward and talk about what might be done to change your experience.  Something as simple as a pillow or cushion underneath you might be the solution, or it might take a trip to the doctors.  Either way, taking action will always feel better than learning to avoid sex or intimacy because it hurts (and you’ll continue to feel close and loved up with your partner if you are searching for a solution together, rather than laying their awkwardly in silence after it happens again).

  • Let it strengthen you.

Funnily enough, what often never gets mentioned in the media, is that issues that make us stop, think and revaluate often lead to positivity in some way.  So, whether discussing your sex life makes it better in the long run, or having heart to hearts with your partner brings the two of you closer, ensure that you allow any out-of-sync issues to strengthen you in the future.

Wishing you luck, and in-sync loving!


Love Lounge Top Tips – Deteriorating conditions and intimate care

By | Disability, Emily Yates, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

It’s fair to say that there’s an element of care in all relationships (or there should be!) But, for many disabled people, the amount of care received from friends, parents and lovers is often a little more than would be expected in a relationship between non-disabled people. Whether it involves something as simple as standing to barricade a toilet cubicle door when a wheelchair using friend just ‘needs to go’ and an accessible loo isn’t available, or something a little more intimate like helping a lover to clean themselves and their surroundings up when their stoma bag bursts during sex, that care element is undeniable.

In many ways, this kindness and care that is required should be celebrated; it can build incredibly strong, intimate bonds, especially in a romantic relationship, when teamwork means so much more than just being able to put up a tent together at your local campsite! But it can be equally frustrating for both parties when things go wrong, or conditions worsen, and pressure, dependency and expectations rise.

So, what to do if you are concerned that your new, or deteriorating condition is affecting the amount of care you require, and perhaps the way your partner sees you, as a sexual being as well as one that requires support?

  1. Check in.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in our relationships, be they platonic or otherwise, is keeping our worries strictly internal and failing to discuss them.  Talk to your partner about your concerns and discuss the solutions together.  It might be that you need to think about bringing some external help in, so that you can concentrate on building on the passionate parts of your relationship, rather than the practical.  Maybe it’s just reassurance that you need – along with someone to show you how sexy you still are, and always have been to them.  But, sadly, we aren’t mind readers, and we are unable to solve problems for our loved ones that we never realised existed.  Talking, however difficult it may seem, is always the answer.

  • Adapt.

One great thing about us human beings? We are pretty versatile, adaptable and resilient creatures! Our impairments differ, adapt, worsen and improve, too, and it’s vital that we learn how to grow with them, rather than get overwhelmed by them.  If, for example, you now have a stoma bag and didn’t before, maybe its time to invest in some crotchless knickers that keep your bag in place whilst not deterring from the fun.  Need a hoist and feeling pretty rubbish about it? It can always be made into a sex swing… thank us later 😉

Regardless of what you’re going through, you’re still gorgeous.  Don’t forget that! 

The Love Lounge

 

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